Midnight Sweethearts

By Chris Jensen

 It’s typically necessary to have to tell us things, in basic plain English, then it’ll the idea will be communicated to the partner. But unfortunately, if you’re not telling us, we won’t know, so tell us. Don’t just assume we’re going to suddenly pick up mind-reading. When you finally decide to communicate with your men, then it’s best to not just run into the situation, but to give it some thought.

Here are some things to keep in mind:

- What the subject is

- Both you and his mood

- The general temperament of your mate.

If the conversation is something difficult to discuss, especially for him, then maybe you should really think about what you say before you say it. Perhaps even practice speaking about it with a close friend or relative first, hopefully someone who knows both you and him. Believe it or not, what you are saying might be coming out all wrong, or might be easy to misunderstand.

If you are angry about something, try to wait instead of immediately announcing this fact while still angry. Approaching your man when you’re upset will result in a argument. Verbal attack makes men defensive, and anything you’re trying to communicate won’t come out as clear as you’d like. Also, if he’s the one on attack-mode, or just negative, it’s best to wait until we settles down before trying to keep pressing the issue.

Every guy is different, most people are already aware, but this also applies to ones temperament. Even in stressful situations, some guys are very relaxed. And there are others that are angered over nothing. You already know how your man is, so make sure you keep that in mind when trying to argue or mention any kind of hot topic. Listen Usually, women are more talkative than men, it’s just the way they are. However, men end up not speaking and expressing enough in comparison. Sometimes your mate venting about his day is a must, or he may have something else on his mind that’s just bothering him, and he needs someone to express it to.

If this is the case, be patient, and be a good listener, especially at that critical moment. If you don’t even want to hear about his day, or work, you still need to take some time to do so, if you truly care about your relationship. And you don’t have to say anything, no opinion or commentary can be the best way to deal with what he’s saying. A lot of people forget that, but you don’t need to speak about it, just listen, and maybe just genuinely care about what they are speaking about, and mention that you’re always there to support him and whatever he decides to do, and you’re always there to listen.

Whether a guy or a girl, everybody needs to realize that their partner is there for you in all possible ways, and if you need to talk, they will be there to listen. Feedback Is your man unconcerned with what you have to add? Does he not respect your feedback or does he ridicule you for it? Then you need a new man, hopefully we don’t have any readers tolerating that kind of behavior.

Someone normal would actually like hearing what you have to say. If he’s smart he’ll know that’s important to take it into consideration. Nobody is perfect, and sometimes a female perspective on a situation can really help. Men who are worth your time really want to hear your view on things, and they honestly are concerned with what you think.

Whether your mate agrees with you is another issue, but what’s important is that your mate cares about your thoughts. Showing interest in each other is key. If you genuinely dislike something he’s done, think about a nice way of bringing that across, maybe tips instead of criticism? Any guy who’s worth your time will be happy to hear what you have to say.

Chris Jensen is a contributing author of Jetfly Blog. For more related articles and views visit Jetfly Marriage & Dating Blog now. Also, for the best up-to-date related online products, check out Jetfly Communication Shop for todays current online deals.

Your Source For Finding Love Online

Mom’s Best Relationship Advice and Tips for Finding Love!
By Deborrah Cooper

 In the mid-1960s, Motown great Smokey Robinson (backed up by his group The Miracles) topped the R&B charts with “You Betta Shop Around!” Goes something like this:

‘There’s some things that I want you to know now

Just as sure as the winds gonna blow now

The women come and the women gonna go now

Before you tell ‘em that you love ‘em so now

My mama told me…’you better shop around’

Don’t Settle for the First Thing That Comes Along

“Well the best thing my mother has told me is watch out for fast women!” said Steve, a 39 year old bachelor with a wry smile. “She told me that long ago. Said they often turn out to be women you basically would not want in the long run. But wow, fast women sure are fun!”

Krystal, now 55, was raised in a home with adultery quite a bit of physical abuse. She and her sisters witnessed her mother being hit many times over the years under her parents divorced when she was 16.

“Divorce wasn’t common in those days, and my mom changed after that. She told me to never settle, ever. She said that while she was raised at a time where women weren’t free to do a lot of dating and getting to know different men, that she didn’t want any of her daughters to be caught in that stale pool. She told me to respect myself, never let anyone (including men) disrespect me… but to enjoy myself and enjoy life.”

Her youngest sister Katherine added: “Mom advised that I should get to know ME first and what I liked/disliked because I could never express to someone else what was right or wrong with the way our relationship was if I didn’t know what it took for me to be happy and satisfied. She reminded me that I had a whole lifetime to fall in love, and encouraged me not to rush into love because I felt it was what I was expected to do or had to do (ya know how some young women will talk themselves into being in love when they become intimate with a man?). Then she told me not to wear too much “rouge” (blush)… because men would never marry a woman that looked loose! LOL!”

At 27 Antonio is hot on the hip hop music scene in Los Angeles. His parents immigrated from Bolivia in the 1970s. “Look, 80 percent of the things my mother says I don’t agree with. Maybe it’s because she’s a woman, but when it comes to relationships she is the judge, jury and executioner! Bring yo gurl or potential gurl around and I’ll be damned if Mom doesn’t expose her for the Princess she is or the tramp she is within 30 seconds flat!

The point I’m tryin’ to make is that parents know the game because they seen it all. A father will read yo man like a book and a mother will give you the 411 on the so called woman of yo dreams. You might not want to hear it but hey, that’s how it is.”

Fathers stepped in to fill in the blanks when Mom didn’t have relationship advice for her offspring. “My mom didn’t specifically give me any advice on love, I’m more so a product of my father’s training” wrote Dionne, a 30 year old marketing rep from Dallas.

“When I was about 9 or 10, I remembered my Dad telling me that when I grew up, I mustn’t allow any man to treat me badly…and I haven’t so far. My father also always allowed me to have the best of anything he had to give or share with me. For example, if he had some fruits, and I wanted any…he would pick out the best looking ones or pieces and offer them to me, and keep the lesser ones for himself. For better or worst, I think I grew up to subconsciously use that standard to judge any man I become involved with. If I don’t see/believe that they consistently take the initiative to always offer me the best…then I know that their time is limited, because I won’t really trust their alleged love for me.”

Don’t Make My Mistakes!

Not all the advice received from Mom was positive. Sherilyn sent an email to share the dating tips learned from her mother. “From my mother I heard: ‘Don’t use me as an example in love, I make horrible choices and have suffered in love.’ She is very, very correct in that statement. Though I’m an accomplished person in my professional life, sadly I modeled a lot of my dating behavior after her and make horrible choices in men too.”

Carmen’s mother focused on self-esteem and acceptance. “From my mother I learned ‘A man will treat you as well as you INSIST, and as badly as you ALLOW.’ And from my father ‘everyone you meet can teach you SOMETHING, even if it’s only whom to AVOID!’

The Dirty Dozen Top 12 List

Many of the tips that came in were very popular, as they were provided by dozens of Moms to their sons and daughters. Here, in no particular order, are the most commonly quoted 12 pieces of advice:

1) Don’t play yourself short. It’s better to be the Mrs. than the Mistress!

2) Don’t love him…but like him. Romance is for weaklings…it clouds your thinking.

3) Pick your battles…don’t be a nag to your man.

4) Men pay for sex one way or another. It’s always better to be the Mrs. than the Mistress!

5) Don’t tell a man everything… they can’t handle it. Don’t reveal everything unless you wanna deal with b.s. all the time.

6) Learn the art of forgiveness. Don’t bring up the past…unless you wanna deal with b.s. all the time.

7) Always keep “car fare” when going out on a date.

Always have a stash of your own money. Keep a savings account in your own name (even when you get married).

9) Never give out personal vital information on the first date.

10) Trust and Respect are EARNED not a GIVEN.

11) If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with!

12) It’s just as easy to love a rich man/woman as it is to love a poor one!

Mothers are very influential over their children. Some of us take the lessons and use them, some of us discard every one of Mom’s words as being bogus and choose our own path.

Without courage and risk of heartache, you cannot achieve the glory and wonders of love. Use Mom’s teachings as a guideline on when and how to give of yourself, maintain personal boundaries of respect, and keep in your life only men and women that give as good as they get.

(c)2008 Deborrah Cooper. Deborrah has authored dozens of relationship articles and advice columns on Ask HeartBeat!, which focuses on modern relationships for teens and adults. Her dating guide Sucka Free Love! provides street-smart, hilarious insight into the toughest issues facing singles today. Check out The Sucka Free Dating Radio Talk Show on Wednesday night at 7:00 pm PST.

Internet Dating Can Pay Off One Thousand Times Over
By Chris Jensen

 By this point in time you have probably tried singles events, church groups focused on singles, and met any available singles through your friends and families, but nothing has worked out. Have you ever considered internet dating? There is some risk involved, definitely some frustration, minor cost, some investment of your time, but huge potential rewards.

I found that internet dating was easier for me if I established criteria to guide me through the process. For example, I emailed the person several times to get a comfort level before providing any phone numbers or setting a date to meet. I also reviewed all correspondence carefully to ensure they were providing a consistent story about their life, background, situation, and what they were looking for.

If the emails did not track, I cut off communication, thinking I did not want someone in my life who was not honest. Once we got to the point to talk on the phone I developed a list of general information I wanted to work into the conversation, such as, do you have a good relationship with your parents? What about your siblings? Who would you go to first if you had a problem? When we got to the point of setting up a date to meet I always picked a busy, public restaurant that was mutually convenient and established a time limit on the initial meeting.

I told the prospective partner we will give it 30 minutes, if we don’t like each other, one of us can say I have to feed the cat. Statistics have shown that you have to meet about 75 people through the internet before making one good connection. People are looking for various things and are all at different points in their lives, it is truly a matter of timing when you are internet dating. Who’s on the internet at the same time you are, what you are both looking for, and then finding each other.

My goal was to go on two new dates each week and go to two new places in my area each week. For example, if I normally shop at the grocery store one mile from my home I would shop at another grocery store for a week just to expand my area of opportunity and open up any possibilities. I had been internet dating for a couple of years by the time I met my husband.

It was great because we were both love struck after the first date and the relationship moved very quickly. We met in November, 2003 and married in April, 2005. There are times when I still cannot believe he is real or our marriage is real. Love is real, believe it, it can happen to you.

My persistence and hard work have been rewarded one thousand times over, good luck to you all, wish you the very best of luck in your search.

Chris Jensen is a contributing author and editor of Jetfly Blog. For more related articles and views visit Jetfly Marriage & Dating Blog now. Also, for the best up-to-date related online products, check out Jetfly Dating Books Shop for todays current online deals.

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