Think You Might Be in a (dating after divorce advice) Toxic Relationship? Here’s How to Tell.

November 7th, 2009 admin Posted in relationships |

By Jamie London

Did your boyfriend or girlfriend ever try to make you look bad, just so they would look better?

Have they ever made fun of you in front of other people?

Sure your boyfriend or girlfriend says they love you - but do they act like it?

Do they act like they don’t trust you, always checking up on where you’ve been or what you’ve been doing?

Are they always telling you what’s wrong with you and saying you should change? And have you done it to please them?

These are all indications that you may be in a toxic relationship. Why do psychologists call it “toxic?” Because just like venom - which is toxic - this kind of relationship can literally make you unwell, emotionally and even physically.

If you do think you may be in a toxic relationship, you may be asking yourself how you got here. I mean, nobody would purposely want to be with someone who hurt them, right?

In fact, toxic relationships evolve over time. They usually start great! You are both delighted and possibly very attracted to each other. Then there’s some sort of disagreement or fight, after which you get back together. Everything seems great again… until the cycle repeats itself, over and over again.

You can’t possibly see this when you first meet someone new. They seem great, you’re happy and feeling like you’re falling in love. But as time goes by, and things get more and more problematic, it gets harder to leave.

If you tend to get into toxic relationships, don’t treat yourself too cruelly. It may not be entirely your fault. In some cases, people get into these types of relationships because they grew up in toxic households. Psychologists will tell you that we all tend to relive the experiences of our childhood. So if that’s you, you may not even know why this is happening.

There are other reasons, of course - poor sense of worth, a desire to care for people in need, a sense of shame that makes you stay rather than cause someone else pain.

But the important issues isn’t WHY you’re in a toxic relationship; it’s how to get out of it.

The first step is to be aware that you don’t have to stay. You have a choice. You can stay or leave, it’s up to you. Once you can really feel that way (and it might take time), you have to start taking better care of yourself. If your partner is verbally abusive or blames you for everything, speak up for yourself. You may be very surprised at their response when you stop taking their harsh treatment.

Of course, if you simply can’t manage to get yourself out of a toxic relationship, you might want to consider therapy. If the reasons are really entrenched, it could be you need a little help to rebuild your self-esteem and break free.

Don’t worry. People are able to break free from toxic relationships all the time, and to move on to much healthier, happier relationships.

And in quite a few cases, some couples are actually able to fix their relationship and make it work. That’s right. In fact, if both partners are willing to put in the effort, to take the time and treat each other with respect and consideration, most relationships can be saved.

If you just can’t get what you need, your partner needs to understand that you’re prepared to leave. If you both want to make it work, make an pact and start rebuilding your relationship in a healthier way.

But always remember - the choice is yours.

When it comes to relationships, Jamie London has experienced pretty much everything - wonderful ones, miserable ones, healthy ones, unhealthy ones, a heartbreaking divorce… and eventually discovering real, lasting love through online dating. Now Jamie is committed to helping others. Read Jamie’s unbiased, fact-based guide to the best relationship products on the Internet at http://www.RelationshipProductGuide.com.

Knowing Far Too Much About The Opposite Gender Friendships Can Frequently Spoil Your Chances

By Marco Simone

When you approach an encounter thinking that you already know” or can precisely foretell the other person’s behavior, you will are wore interested in being right and making certain the other person agrees with you or changes their mind to agree with what you believe, like, or need to happen.

You may have an inclination to talk often about yourself, but more than that, you will be subject to mixing up facts with feelings, and feelings with inclinations. As an example, you can say something and he / she immediately dismisses it as nonsense” or gives you the impression he / she suspects you aren’t ‘well informed on the subject”. The hairs on the back of your neck stand up the hairs you can handle, or so you tell yourself.

But the actuality is that your intelligence puts a guard up and goes into the fight or flight mode. And since you are caught by surprise, you are compelled to conduct a very complicated communication crisis in real time no books and no coaches to pump you full of smart ideas. You can try truly tough to control and hold your emotions and feelings, just for them to tumble out as spiteful remarks or inexpensive shots. If you’ve ever voiced or done things which sound correct in the instant, but later on appear, well.

Dumb, then you know what I am talking about. If you need to essentially hook up with a man or woman, take more interest in understanding where he’s coming from rather than trying to attain agreement or to switch their mind.

instead of supposing that his / her experience, fact, preferences, goals, wants and expectancies are the same as your own, accept that you don’t know what his / her inducements are, because, probabilities are, you don’t. And rather than projecting your own feelings and concepts on him / her, attempt to consider his / her internal world to his / her scale and in his / her image and senses. Ask, what was that like?” or how did which make you feel?” for example.

Without asking, you may never know. So listen, have an interest in the person in front of you - what he / she does, what he / she say, what he / she likes and the like. The more that he / she feels heard, listened to, and accepted, the larger the sensitive bond, cooperation, and stability in the relationship.

One of the biggest mistakes many men and girls make is getting close to a woman or man thinking they already know for sure what all guys or all ladies think, believe, do, or say. They have developed ideas, reasons, explanations, and the likes that have them believing they have figured it all out. And they believe that because they have read the book, Men are from Mars and Girls are from Venus,” they know everything about men-women communication. And a large amount of them are surprised when with all that information they won’t truly communicate with the other sex friendships.

When you approach an encounter thinking that you already know” or can exactly foretell the other person’s behaviour, you will are wore inquisitive about being right and ensuring the other person agrees with you or changes their mind to agree with what you believe, like, or need to happen.

You may have a tendency to talk often about yourself, but more than that, you will also be susceptible to mixing up facts with feelings, and feelings with inclinations. As an example, you are able to say something and he / she straight away dismisses it as nonsense” or gives you the impression he / she suspects you aren’t ‘well informed on the subject”. The hairs on the back of your neck stand up the hairs you can handle, or so you tell yourself.

But the actuality is that your intellect puts a guard up and goes into the fight or flight mode. And since you are caught by surprise, you are forced to conduct a particularly advanced communication crisis in real time no books and no coaches to pump you full of smart concepts. You’ll try truly hard to control and hold your emotions and feelings, just for them to tumble out as cruel remarks or inexpensive shots. If you have ever recounted or done things which make sense in the instant, but later on appear, well.

Dumb, then you know what I’m talking about. If you want to really hook up with a woman or man, take more interest in understanding where he’s coming from instead of trying to attain agreement or to change their mind.

rather than assuming that his / her experience, fact, preferences, goals, needs , and expectancies are the same as your own, accept that you don’t know what his / her motivations are, because, possibilities are, you don’t. And rather than projecting your own feelings and concepts on him / her, try to consider his / her internal world to his / her scale and in his / her image and senses. Request, what was that like?” or how did which make you feel?” for instance.

With no asking, you will never know. So listen, have an interest in the person in front of you - what he / she does, what he / she say, what he / she likes and the like. The more that he / she feels heard, listened to, and accepted, the larger the sensitive bond, cooperation, and permanence in the relationship.

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