Non-traditional Roles Within the Wedding Party (dating after divorce advice)

September 18th, 2009 admin Posted in relationships |

By Rokai Kolam

No matter how progressive a couple is, chances are that the wedding they dream of looks fairly traditional in their minds. They can close their eyes and envision the ladies in flowing dresses, the gentlemen in tuxedos, and the bride walking down the aisle on her father’s arm. But even if we want the traditional wedding we’ve always dreamed of, there are so many elements of our lives that aren’t very traditional. That can include the relationships that go into making our wedding day meaningful. Fortunately, non-traditional elements can be incorporated into traditional weddings in a ways that keeps the beauty of the old, but the flexibility of the new.

Giving the bride away. Once upon a time, it was the duty of the father to dliver his daughter out of his care and into the care of her new husband. And as the head of the family, he spoke for everyone in approving this new union. However, situations where a father is dead, estranged, or absent are common, and the bride has to make arrangements for someone else to take this role. It could be a step-father, older brother, uncle, grandfather, or family friend. But there’s no law that says it has to be a manwhy not a mother, step-mother, aunt, or grandmother? Or perhaps the bride needs no escort at all; she can simply meet her groom one on on at the end of the aisle.

Attendants. In most cases, the bride and groom each have two ormore attendantsmen attend the groom and women attend the bride. They stand in support of the couple in this most significant moment, and sign the marriage license as legal witnesses. But this assumes the outdated custom of women having exclusively female friends and men having only male friends. That’s no longer a valid assumption. A bride’s day might not be complete withouth her best guy-friend, and the groom might have his heart set on including his sister or the girl he grew up with. Of course, then it has to be decided how these attendants will dress. Keep it simple; if all the men are wearing tuxes, a male brides attendant should also wear a tux, but with a tie and cummerbund or vest to match the ones the bridesmaids are wearing. Female groom’s attendants can wear formal black dresses or skirts with accents that match the mens accent colors.

Witnesses. One custom that is fading out of usage is that of the junior bridesmaid. If a younger sister or minor daughter is in the wedding, she will just be called a bridesmaid, or even the maid of honor, regardless of her age. The same is true if the groom has a younger brother, son, or stepson he wants to include; the boy may be the best man, even if he isnt yet an adult. This is perfectly acceptable, but does present one little problem: the most important job of the maid of honor and best man is to sign the marriage license as legal witnesses to the marriage…and people under eighteen cant be legal witnesses. The solution to this is easy: get someone else to sign the papers, and keep your young friend in his or her position. A parent or adult friend can easily testify that they witnesses your vows.

The lines between traditional and non-traditional weddings are blurry in our time, but that means that brides and grooms are free to take the best of the past and the present for their special day. With an open mind, non-traditional roles within a wedding party can make the day even more meaningful than they imagined.

Katherine Teel is the main blogger for The Life Shed. The blog is all about online dating and wedding issues most couples are experiencing today.

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