Does changes in the household cause stress? (online dating tips)

October 29th, 2008 admin Posted in relationships |

By Dr. Jennifer Baxt, DMFT, NCC, DCC

When most think about the causes of stress, they tend to think about a place they have to go to where they feel the most stress, such as work or school. Stress-causing situations people will not think about include going somewhere new, or going through some major changes in their own home. Changes of any kind in the home can create a great deal of stress, even if most dont realize it.

The home, wherever it may be, is where a person can feel safe and comfortable. It is an area they are familiar with as everything is placed just where they want it, and the atmosphere is exactly what they have created to make themselves feel at home. It is the perfect place to relax and get away from the days stresses and, for the most part, a stress-free zone that most enjoy coming back to, until things change. Whether its the addition of another family member or renovations of any kind the elimination of the same familiar, comfortable area causes. Even though it is still a home, the changes are altering the atmosphere and/or the physical appearance of the home, which means that the familiarity with the space is being taken away.

It depends on the age of the individuals involved, as well as whether they are able to adapt well to change or not that will determine if the stress level is low or not. Younger people who are more excited about change to create their own comfort space and who might even be trying to start a family might not feel too stressed, because the stress they do feel is excitement about the changes they are making. Older people, or people who dont really like change, who have to make changes even if they dont really want to, might have a more difficult time in making the changes and will feel more stressed as a result. The difference with their stress is that they might feel crowded or uncomfortable and might not feel that they can make their new area feel like the home they had before. They want the old way back, but they realize that these changes are not going to make that possible and this can become frustrating and overwhelming, especially if the person has been living the same way and in the same situation for five or more years. They have become comfortable with their routine and way of life and a disruption of it is not always easily accepted.

In many cases, the cause of the stress can easily be identified by the person experiencing it because its fairly easy to see the changes going on around them, though there are some who dont quite see the connection between the subtle changes going on around them and the stress they feel. Either way, consulting an online counselor could be useful. Getting some help through online counseling to deal with the mounting stress is always a good idea and can help make the transition from the old to new easier. Especially for those who are feeling a higher level of stress, regardless of whether they are aware of what the cause of it might be or not, communicating with an online therapist can be extremely helpful. Through online therapy, a person can be helped to identify where their stress might be coming from, and then find out what they can do to deal with their stress.

Dr. Jennifer Baxt, DMFT, NCC,DCC is the owner of CompleteCounselingSolutions.com which offers a variety of
href=”http://www.completecounselingsolutions.com/sessions.php”>online counseling services. If you would like to know more about Jennifer or any of our online therapists, visit our website.

Your Source For Finding Love Online

How To Keep Your Relationship Strong
By Debbie Allen

When a relationship is new and fresh we find it hard to imagine that it will ever end. But in many cases the newness wears off after a period of time and we begin to see problems with our partner. We may even begin taking them for granted. Eventually the thrill is gone and the relationship withers. Keeping a relationship strong requires some essential elements.

To begin, if there is not a true friendship then the relationship is not likely to last long. That is why I always suggest that a couple explore their friendship first before diving into a relationship. It is important to develop an understanding and appreciation of what makes the other person tick.

This may sound old-fashioned and simplistic but if you examine the relationships that you are familiar with you will probably find that the ones built on friendship are strong and flourishing. While the others, the ones where the couple appear to have few common interests, seem to struggle to survive.

During the initial exploration phase of the friendship it is wise to discuss future goals and plans. After all, if this is the beginning of a long-term relationship you will want to be on-board with those plans, nix them, or find a compromise that works for both of you.

Here’s an example of what I am talking about: If you happen to plan to be a career student then you are setting a standard for your lifestyle. Add that desire to that of your new partner that wants to be an archeologist in a faraway place. A compromise may need to be reached. This would be the case if one of you wanted a house full of children and the other did not want children. The possibilities are endless but the solution is the same; either one partner must give up his plans or a compromise will be needed.

You see, the friendship will provide that each partner learns about the other and respects the desires, dreams and goals that he has. Compromises are not always easy but in almost every situation an agreeable solution can be worked out.

Another important element to a relationship is having some ground rules when it comes to disagreements. It is vital that the couple learn to talk about problems rather than argue about them. Openly discuss in the beginning what is and is not acceptable in the relationship. This includes any expectations that each of you may have of the other. Decide early in the relationship how to deal with disagreements.

Simply talking things out will go a long way in keeping the relationship strong. Some couples agree to never end the day with angry feelings toward the other. It is wise to realize that each day is a new beginning. No matter what has happened up until now you have today to work on a solution.

Take each day as a new opportunity to make things better than the day before. Dwelling on the past will not help; focus on now and tomorrow. This will build a strong relationship that will not fail. Even when things seem hopeless the appropriate actions can turn the situation around.

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Debbie Allen is an Internet marketer & writer.

How do you deal with past trama?
By Dr. Jennifer Baxt, DMFT, NCC, DCC

Dealing with past trauma is not an easy task, especially when some will try to work it out on their own. Unfortunately, many believe that the only way to deal with the trauma is to either ignore it or block it from their memory; neither are healthy or long-term ways to deal with such trauma. Not dealing with it means that the emotions have not been dealt with and healing cant begin. Problems can arise later on as one doesnt face their trauma and the resulting stress can manifest itself in ways that can complicate their life. For example, they may sabotage their personal and/or work life without realizing it, or even intending to. Other problems that may arise include phobias or compulsive obsessive behavior. Sabotaging, phobias or altered behavior are all signs that something more serious may need to be dealt with. Developing a phobia or having a change in behavior could be the result of the mind trying to find a way to deal with the stress from the trauma that has not been addressed.

Most who realize they cant deal with the past on their own will seek help because they just cant seem to cope and move on without the memories coming back to haunt them. This can develop into a serious problem where a person finds it difficult to work and go about their lives, because they are forever being distracted by memories of that event; they find that they feel trapped in the moment. It is unfortunate, but many will often not seek help because they dont want to make an appointment to go in and see a counselor or therapist, either because it is too far to travel and its difficult to get to the office, or they feel too uncomfortable and/or embarrassed. Some may even go through denial, because they dont want to, or cannot, accept what has happened to them. While these reasons could be understood to a degree, they are no longer acceptable excuses if one wants to get past the event and move on with their lives. It is for the good of a persons mental health that they seek professional help.

Thanks to todays technology, there is another option to seeing a professional in person, and it is the internet. An online counselor is available for those who find the computer at home a more convenient way of contacting someone. All one has to do is get on their computer and contact an online therapist by messaging them, either through e-mail or on the online forum. All information is kept confidential and it is a great way for one to ask questions and get the help they need. The online therapist will work with the individual to face and deal with the traumatic event so that they may eventually go on with their lives without haunting memories distracting them. Online counseling can be done at any time and from anywhere there is an internet connection. These online counselors and therapists are available online so they can be accessible to just about anyone who feels they could greatly benefit from some online therapy.

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